Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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