i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
