like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
