Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
