Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
