The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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