She announced her abortion via fbk
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
