I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize