Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
