I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
