she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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