Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
