omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
