AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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