I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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