I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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