Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
