How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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