I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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