Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize