During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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