I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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