Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
