FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
