Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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