Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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