At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
