how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
