Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
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