it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
