I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
