You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
