She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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