It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize