I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
