hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
