Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
