It's Friday. Sex?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
