i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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