oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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