I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize