in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
