Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
