**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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