I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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