Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
