Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize