Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
