ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
