im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
