So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
