I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude. I can hear the air.
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