We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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