I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's Friday. Sex?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
