just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
