Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
