Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
