i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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