shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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