I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
