Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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