I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
