I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
