Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
