john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
