I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
