sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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