i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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