the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
