yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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