She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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