You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
