end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
